Letting Go

The other day I was at a talk, given by a Christian artist. She was comparing God's work throughout our lives to the creating of a portrait. In reference to this, she pointed us to Ephesians 2:10, which reads:

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

She keyed in on the first part of the verse: "we are His workmanship". God is making art in us, as He shapes who we are, and shapes our lives, for His purposes. This is indeed comforting to me! Much as I often feel out of control, God always holds and molds my life in His hands. It also challenges me to have a greater view of my life. Not bigger, not more "exciting", but greater-because I am the beloved art work of the Great Creator, intended to love and glorify Him!

So often, though, it can be hard to keep this vision-hard to take it into the "real world". So often I struggle to walk by faith, when walking by sight is so much easier! I want to see results in my life. I want to feel accepted by others. I want to do something "big" for God. Yet I feel "stuck". Why do I feel that way?

I think it's because I've forgotten what really matters. I've forgotten why I do what I do. It all comes down to who really holds the reins to my life. If I am immersed in the love of God, and His love floods my soul, then the natural outcome is that through my realization of my new identity, and deep desire after Him, I will want to do the works that He puts before me to do, will withhold from what He wants me to withhold from, and will wait when He tells me to wait. This is acting upon conviction. This is letting the Master Painter to His job.

So God is the reason. He is central. "In [His] light do we see light"-Psalm 36:9. Why does my life fall apart? Because I don't live that way. My life fails to make sense because it's like a sentence without a verb: I for you. What's "I for you" supposed to mean? It falls short of imparting much. But "I work for you" communicates very clearly. That sentence does something-and it makes sense. If we would have our lives be meaningful and purposeful, there is one thing we must have-God. And He is the only thing that we can't do without.

This means that we need to let go of everything else. Other focuses clog us up. Not to say that there is no place for other things in our lives, that the approval of others or future dreams are bad, or that we should only do something if God sends us a FedEx. It's the framework that we're talking about. Not only does God come first, but He's the one that makes everything else fit together. We obey His laws, we seek His glory, we focus on His priorities-we fall so deeply in love with Him that naturally our whole way of looking at life changes. As we delight in Him, His desires become our desires.

This is so beautiful-like a dream. We fall so far short. We blow it. Our failures are ever before us. What should we do? The apostle Paul struggled with this-he called himself the chief of all sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). But he was confident of his salvation in Christ, faithfully sought the aid of God, and strove to "run the race" for his King.

And what about when it's hard? God is with you as much when it's dark as when it's light; the darkness may just deceive you. But He is not hindered by the darkness, for it is as light to Him. We have to trust that everywhere He takes us, He takes us for a purpose. And if He doesn't take us somewhere, it's not because He missed something, but because you would miss something if He didn't have you right where you are. He is the Potter. We are the clay. He is the Painter. We wait eagerly until the day when we can stand by His side and see the finished project.

Yet, what if we believe all this, and yet just feel too weak...too weak to make it through? Cling to Him. Cry out to Him. His Spirit is given to aid us, and He binds up the broken. He empowers the weary.

"Even youths will faint and be weary...

But they who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength"

Isaiah 40:30-31

Rachel

By Right of Conquest, or, With Cortez in Mexico

I've been thinking about my life and how many unplanned turns I've been taking in the last few years, and G. A. Henty's book By Right of Conquest, or, With Cortez in Mexico came to mind. Roger was living in England and had his life planned out. He was taking a short trip to the New World, at which point he would return and settle down in England with the girl he had picked out. However when he got to the New World he ended up in a lot of unexpected adventures that tossed him about and spun him around until he could hardly remember the life he had planned out. And he began to wonder if maybe he had made his plans, but God was directing his ways. While in the New World for much longer than he had planned, Roger met another girl in Mexico whom he admired. And after a great many years longer than was his original intent, Roger and his wife returned to England, where the English girl as well had married someone else, causing everything to work out in the end. And of course it is a Henty book, so they end up with a nice piece of land, Roger's wife get some jewels, and they have lots of children and grandchildren to whom Roger likes to relate his adventures.

I've been feeling a bit like Roger.

Those of you who know me well know that I have always had my entire life planned out to the smallest details twenty years in advance, although I'm not that good at planning the immediate future. In the past few years, with none of my plans working out the way I'd planned, I have been asking God what He would have me do while feeling strangely lost without my 20 year plans.

Sometimes the things that are meant to be temorary, God chooses to make not so temporary.

I recently took a very temporary, as I thought, break from my plans, which I have continued to modify to my situation regardless of how difficult or ridiculous that may be. However it seems like God is really leading me in a complete opposite direction right now, which is incredibly confusing to me, because it is not at all where I thought God wanted me. I didn't think I was doing too good a job serving God where I was before, and wanted to go somewhere where I could better do that. Instead I get put somewhere worse.

I don't know how coherent that last paragraph was, but it results from my personal confusion over the turn of events. I don't understand how this fits into my plans, or how it fits into God's plans. I think maybe I was mistaken about God's plans. I just really hope that He makes it clear soon, because I would like to have a plan.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll end up with a nice piece of land, some jewels, and lots of children and grandchildren to relate my adventures and God's providence to someday soon.

Katie